Living with your Strengths

I don’t want to be the loner. Like this poor, little penguin - wandering around without any friends.

I’ve pressed myself to explore the flip-side of my strengths. Strengths unchecked – can be nasty. I wanted to be sure that what I was building with my strengths, I wasn’t destroying with my character.

Context – I prefer to operate on “perfect” information. This involves lots of research, and I’m fine paying the cost. Yet most of the time I’m called upon to make decisions without perfect information or the benefits of hindsight. I know in those situations it feels like I’m just guessing. It’s awkward, so I stay in my head. I don’t want to talk unless it’s fully analyzed. I don’t want to say something wrong, so I’d rather say nothing at all.

I’ve learned that the flip-side of preferring “perfect information” can be “paralysis by analysis.” Wherein fact I’m making a third choice – to do nothing – and nothing – may be very wrong. I don’t want to talk unless it's perfect, but my friends have encouraged me by yelling “Get out of your head!”

I’m uncomfortable if I don’t know the basic facts about a person – with a special interest in their background, the motives that drive them, and so on. I’ve realized that’s the point of a conversation. I could be motivated to engage the person – to find out that information. Then it’s a magical win-win. I get the information I want, the person is engaged, and we’re both having a better time.

Strategic – My kingdom for a brain switch. I love thinking. It’s great. But sometimes I want to turn it off. I want to enjoy the moment. But I can’t! I’m constantly assessing events and rules for the underlying root causes – what’s the point behind the point – why would we put this in place? – do those conditions still apply? If not, let’s disregard.

There’s the famous experiment where we put monkeys into a cage. They reach for the food and are shot with water. Eventually the monkeys realize not to reach for food.  

Replace a monkey. New Monkey reaches for food, but the Old Monkeys beat him up because they don’t want to get wet. Eventually New Monkey realizes not to reach for food.

Continue the cycle. Eventually all the monkeys beat each other up when anyone reaches for food. Poor starving monkeys.

I’m the monkey who would ask “I’m hungry, why are we doing this?”  

This constant search for understanding why rules are in place … is not appropriate for all rules. To my teachers who had me growing up – I’m sorry. Now I’ve learned to accept that sometimes there’s a rule just because there’s a rule – but I didn’t know how to turn that off as a child.

Achiever - I start with zero points every day. If I don’t accomplish anything in the day – even if it’s small – I feel worthless. Trying to relax is all but impossible. I’ve had to accept that my ideal day does not include me sitting by the pool all day long. I know that eventually I will get bored. I know that I need to have a bit of scheduled fun on a vacation. I’ve tried some vacations that are heavily scheduled, and others that have no schedules where we’re making it up each day – and I like it somewhere in the middle. I’ve accepted that I have this constant fire that can never be quenched, and I feel most relaxed with one or two activities a day.

Self-Assurance – One of the obvious problems with thinking you’re right all the time is that you can come across like a jerk. I’ve realized that I can easily suffer from tunnel vision if I’m not open to others' opinions, wants, needs, feelings, fears etc.

Sometimes – I’m even straight up wrong. It’s amazing the power of two quick words: I’m sorry.

Responsibility – When I say yes to something – I take psychological ownership over what I say I will do. If I say “yes” to be nice, I’ll over-commit and kill myself. I’ve had to learn to say no, and then deal with preserving the relationship. It’s been tough, but I’ve learned that just because someone asks, doesn’t mean I have to say yes. And I’ve learned that if the person cannot separate their request from the relationship, then maybe we don’t have a relationship. There’s a little saying I see occasionally: If you lend someone 20 dollars and never see that person again, consider yourself lucky.

What are the ways in which your strengths, left unchecked, have caused damage in your life?

Artist’s Corner: I took this picture in Antarctica with my mother. I wanted to get to know her better beyond our parent-child relationship and grow into an adult-adult relationship. I proposed we spend time doing a hobby we both loved – photography – somewhere fun we’d never been. We got to go on the Nikon / PopPhoto’s Mentor Series and have professional photographers help us out. So many good memories … The Drake’s Passage, Reindeer Dance … give it a try with your folks. Today is the first day of the rest of your life – seize it!

Building from your Strengths

I love a good underdog story. Nothing gets my heart pounding more than watching Maximus defy the Emperor of Rome, or William Wallace free Scotland from England, or Austin Powers fight Dr. Evil. I love rooting for the underdog. Like Rudy - the movie of a boy with no talent but big dreams of playing college football for Notre Dame. He tries hard and eventually plays for a few seconds.

There’s another story of a boy named Joe who wants to play for Notre Dame. But here’s where the stories differ. Joe has talent. He tries hard and eventually plays as the starting quarterback. That’s quite a different result.

I mean it with love. They both had the same dream: play for Notre Dame. They both put in years of effort. Rudy was told he was too-small, too-slow, and too-weak to play - I'd say those were weaknesses. Rudy insisted on building from his weaknesses and was rewarded with a pity play.

Joe came into Notre Dame a talented football player. He applied the same level of effort as Rudy, yet Joe was building from his strengths. Joe's reward: stellar results - and it launched a legendary career into the Hall of Fame. Seriously - I might root for Rudy in a movie, but I'd rather be Joe Montana.

I can't say where Rudy would have ended had he built from his strengths since that's all hypothetical. For all we know, maybe Rudy would have been an awesome football announcer. The world, and Rudy, will never know because Rudy never examined his strengths. He was so focused on shoring up his weaknesses that he never really got to see how great he could be.

I figured out some of my strengths with the aptly named: StrengthsFinder. The Gallup Organization interviewed thousands of people in a 40-year study of human strengths. They created 34 Strengths the "perfect" organization or person would have. Each Strength on its own can be powerful. It was also healing to see that I had the hardest time liking some people because I was misinformed on their Strengths. I was bothered because they were weak at X, and I missed out on that they were great at Y. Thus began the journey to learn more about the Strengths. I wanted to know what mine were and from there, recognize what others bring. Besides, it had this great introduction about two guys named Rudy and Joe Montana *grin.* I took the test with caution. I wasn't expecting fireworks when I got done, yet I logged it as information to mull over. Here's what I came up with.

Context: My first Strength is I want to know what's up.

Billionaire Mark Cuban's advice on How to Get Rich:

1. save cash,


2. read,


3. jump when the time is right.

Software Blogger Jeff Atwood cites research that most people in software own zero books on their field and have read zero books. That's how low the bar is: zero books. So if you read just one - you're already ahead of almost everyone else.

I read because I fear more what I miss than I fear the cost of reading. Imagine if I started a company with the idea of selling a white music player. How foolish is that? I think it’s been done before.

StrengthsFinder says people with CONTEXT: Enjoy thinking about the past. They understand the present by researching its history.

For me, it's the "figure out what's out there" Strength.

Strategic: My second Strength is a constant search to be special. When I drive, I look at a map, and figure out how to get where I want to go. Reading is like looking at a map and strategy is like steering the car. Reading gives me the context to operate in and enables me to find existing players. Then I can make a decision given what everyone else is doing on how to be different. How to partner with A, B, and C and combine that with our special sauce to really deliver something compelling for customers.

STRATEGIC: Create alternative ways to proceed. Faced with any given scenario, they can quickly spot the relevant patterns and issues.

It's "figure out what's out there, find a way to be special."

Achiever: Big ideas mean something more when they get actualized into action. The best-laid plans are useless if no one is willing to do it. I'm built with a daily drive to build something, do something, to create - and even if the only person keeping score is me. At the end of the day I need to point at least one thing and say "the world is measurably better today because I accomplished this."

ACHIEVER: Have a great deal of stamina and work hard. They take great satisfaction from being busy and productive.

It's "figure out what's out there, find a way to be special, put a plan in place to get there"

Self-Assurance: No doubts. There's a peace that comes from preparation: knowing I've read the most, I've thought the most, and I've embraced change the most. My plan is progressive but iteratively delivers value so we can make adjustments. Now I need to instill confidence in myself and the people involved in making it happen so we can move mountains. I believe it can be done.

SELF-ASSURANCE: Feel confident in their ability to manage their own lives. They possess an inner compass that gives them confidence that their decisions are right.

It's "figure out what's out there, find a way to be special, put a plan in place to get there, believe the plan, sell the plan"

Responsibility: Actually Do It. StrengthsFinder says I take psychological ownership over what I say I will do. I love that phrase. It explains why I'm a little crazy with commitments. When I give my word, I want it to mean something. Responsibility, combined with my Meyers-Briggs ENTJ personality that loves closure, means I will finish it. Even if there's a higher than expected personal cost to me, and I said I'd do it, I'm still doing it. I may initiate a discussion to figure out if there's another solution that works for everyone, but if I said I'd do it, I'll do it.

RESPONSIBILITY: Take psychological ownership of what they say they will do. They are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

It's "figure out what's out there, figure out a way to be special, put a plan in place to get there, believe the plan, sell the plan, do the plan"

I've now tied together each of my individual strengths into a foundation I can build on - hopefully it's solid. Time will tell. Regardless, it’s definitely a lot more fun.

How about you? When you examine your strengths and where you’re putting effort, will you know how great you can be?



Artist’s Corner: I chose this picture I took of the Coliseum for the line in Gladiator where they first see it and say, “I didn’t know men could build such things.” I hope the same for your life. I hope that when you get done we say “I didn’t know one could build such things.” I chose the actual image of the ruins because the foundation is exposed. You get to see the Coliseum down to its core. What’s your core?

Integrity and Continuous Improvement

My life is rather causal, that is: I make decisions and get to live with the consequences.  Some are awesome; others are awful.  I decided to establish a framework for making better decisions.  I wanted to rapidly make decisions I could live with.  This framework – which I call Integrity - guides my decisions so I’m not in internal conflict or second-guessing myself.  It allows me to have true freedom.  Maybe things change later, but it allows me to stand up and say “I made the best decision I could with the information I had.”

I make decisions through some criteria such as:

1. Ends don’t justify the means

2. No such thing as a small lie

3. Keep my moral compass

4. Would I do this in the light?

5. My father once told me “Money comes and goes, but no one can take your word from you.”

6. I return constantly to “If I can be trusted in little, I can be trusted in much.” I say it as a challenge to stay upright now so that I can grow into seeing more of the world.

My second value is Continuous Improvement. It’s a two-sided coin. On one side, we have the ideal – it’s what I want to happen. On the other side it recognizes that I’ll make mistakes, and, as long as I’m honestly evaluating my progress and doing a little better every day, then that’s ok. It’s not a free pass. It doesn’t lower the bar. It simply says: the bar is here, did you make it? No. Why not? Let’s change that and try again.

Continuous Improvement is all around us. In high school, I wanted to be part of the “Gold Club.” It was a set of weight-lifting goals that only the top 3% of students could meet. We had to clean, squat, and bench. Squat was easy as I biked to school every day. Clean was pretty easy as it carried over from squat. Bench was my nemesis. I had no training and could only bench my weight: 175 pounds. I needed to bench 225. The bar was 225. Not “Justin’s feeling sad, let’s make it 220.” No – 225. Not “Justin’s trying hard, let’s make it 220.” No - 225. I worked every day. I knew where the bar was: 225. And every day I’d work and get a little bit closer: 180, 185, 190. Every so often I’d try and “bust out” to 225. On the days that I failed, I didn’t quit. I just tried again. As long as I was “moving the football one yard closer every day” I knew that I’d get there. 

I had Integrity with myself to know that I’d follow-thru with the goal. I didn’t have to do it all at once. I couldn’t. I tried over and over to do it all at once and failed. Try, fail, move the football; try, fail, move the football…over and over. One day I got there. I can’t say I ever lifted a pound past 225. Never made it to 226. Don’t know if I can lift 225 to save my life today. But on that day, I got there.

Continuous Improvement to me is the bar, mixed with grace to fail. Another high school story. I needed to get a 700 on my Chemistry 2 SAT to get into Caltech. I had no idea where I was at, so I took it: 530. Hmm, not quite 700. I signed up for AP Chemistry and took it again: 630. Hmm, not quite 700. I did some prep classes and took it again: 670. Still not enough. But I had to apply since I was out of time, I couldn’t try again anymore. 

In both stories - the point is that I redefined failure as quitting. Everything else was progress. I didn’t get discouraged. I was just taking a poll of where I was that day. Was I at my goal? If so, then stop. If not, then keep on.

Continuous Improvement gives me a sense of peace knowing that I may not have accomplished all I want to, and I will miss the bar a few times, but if I can keep pressing toward the goal, then eventually I’ll get there. At minimum I'll enjoy the journey!

So there you have it – Integrity and Continuous Improvement give me Freedom and a Sense of Peace. What are your values and what do they give you?

Artist's Corner: My cousin and I took today's picture at a Luau at Paradise Cove in Hawaii. I chose it hoping to invoke a) the freedom of the seas with b) peacefulness of tropical paradise and c) it might be a tad much, but the two tiki torches are paired together, just like today's two topics are a pair for me.

Strengths and Values

I like stopping life once a quarter and getting away to think.  I call it my Quad-2 Time.  Quad 2, according to Covey, are the important but non-urgent things.  I use it to evaluate my life: how has it been and where is it going?  Did I meet my 90-day goals?  Wave a magic wand and how does it look? Next quarter?  50 years from now?  All good things – and just for fun: a great excuse to go somewhere exotic!

This particular trip was to South-East Asia, specifically Hong Kong and Shanghai.  I was in the process of forming my identity as an adult.  I’d long ago discovered my personality as an ENTJ.  StrengthsFinder gave me words for my strengths such as Context, Strategic, Achiever, Self-Assurance, and Responsibility.

These were great, but I wanted more.  I find Strengths, like Technology, to be agnostic.  I can use Technology for Good or for Evil.  I think the same about Strengths.  It's what I do with my Strengths that I find most interesting.

One day my friend quipped “What you build with your strengths, you can destroy with your character.”  Hmm … what is my character?  What are my values?  It dawned on me that I needed to know both my Strengths and my Values.  I wanted to articulate them to others, but more than this, I wanted to recognize them in others.  Unfortunately there’s no easy web-test for this.  To complete my vision quest, I’d have to look inside.

I knew I could rattle off a list of values I held dearly, but were there core values underneath?  I watched myself make decisions.  I realized there were certain phrases I’d remind myself of as I was making the decision.  For instance, when I was irked I’d remind myself: “you can measure a man by what makes him angry.”  Then I’d try to calm down.  I figured if these were already in my head, I may as well carry a piece of paper and jot it down when one emerged.  I also listed major experiences I’d had in life and challeged myself asking: “what are 10 lessons I learned from each?"  By the time I got to Hong Kong, I had over 300 such “proverbs.”

I wandered around Hong Kong, sat by the pool, and reviewed my list.  I boiled it down to two values: Integrity and Continuous Improvement.

I’ll discuss what these mean to me later, but I’m curious – what are your strengths and values?

Gestalt

Gestalt! That’s what they yell at you in angry-sounding German when you violate protocol.

I had just joined EO – the Entrepreneurs' Organization aka Business Club. We were being trained on how EO does small groups called Forum. Take your typical business owner – they’re used to running the show. Put a group of them together, and you have instant chaos. Everyone telling everyone else what to do.

Except that doesn’t happen because Forum follows Gestalt. In Forum, a person actually volunteers to yell “Gestalt” at everyone. The premise is you speak from your experience – period. There’s a great Wall Street Journal article on EO and Forum called Entrepreneurial 'Therapy': Deals, Divorce, Downsizing.

Each meeting, the group provides feedback to several presenters on a problem. The feedback must be of the form “I had this experience; these were the steps I took to deal with the problem” For instance, if I present on “I’d like to purchase a domain name, but I lack the cash; what are some alternatives to a direct purchase?” Good Gestalt allows “I’m a car broker. When our customers can’t purchase the car, we finance it for them”

Oh, beautiful. That’s your experience. I can’t argue with your experience. I may disagree with it. I may find it stupid, useless, and contradictory, but I cannot argue with it. That’s like arguing with the statement “I went to high school in Fargo, North Dakota” Who is anyone to argue with that? You’re arguing with facts in my life. It’s unarguable. So that's how it’s beautiful there. I can now choose to learn from that person’s experience and decide whether to negotiate a lease.

It’s also a fantastic method to communicate without being liable. Let’s say I’m presenting on how to save legal fees and someone says “I never take my lawyer to court.” I may decide that’s a great idea and not take my lawyer to court; if I lose the case, I can hardly go back and blame my friend. My friend didn’t tell me “don’t take your lawyer.” No. My friend said “I never take my lawyer.” I decided that applied to me. It was my decision.

Gestalt is akin to I messages, but more intense. With I messages I can get away with “I think you should”, but now I’m in the Gestalt Gray Zone. It’s tough following Gestalt. Sometimes I come up with something really helpful, but I just made it up; I never experienced it first-hand. I may try to couch it with “In my opinion…“ or “If I were you…” but I’m back in the Gestalt Gray Zone. Sometimes it even becomes “You should…” welcome to the Gestalt Really-Gray Zone. No “I woulds” and no “You shoulds”

I found it so powerful that I apply it to my personal life as well. It allows me to communicate stories from my life to friends and family without impugning on their sense of self.

The short of this is: if you see me use a lot of first person, I’m not narcissistic, I’m just following Gestalt. How about you? What communication protocols have you found most effective and why?

Good Lazy vs Bad Lazy

Today’s picture is from a Japanese Garden I visited. It was beautiful, relaxing, and I was quite lazy. I was lazy in a good way. I wondered, is there a bad lazy? I think so.

For instance, I try to regularly evaluate the patterns in my life. I ask myself - how is this working for me? If it’s working well for me, then cheers and I keep doing it. If not, then it’s quite exciting because I get an opportunity to improve my lot in life. I always like the results of breaking a pattern, but I don’t always like the work. There is this unfortunate cost in acting to make the change, and sometimes the cost is rather daunting. This doesn’t sound like a game winner, so I decided to change the rules.

I was looking at how hard it would be to make the change. I decided I’d shift my focus to the end, and look at all I’d miss out on if I did NOT make the change. Once I had the end in mind, starting seemed easier.

I face the decision moment of life with two choices:
Choice A) persist in the current pattern – which I already identified is worse
Choice B) change the pattern – to something which I already identified is better

If I’m just picking things that make my life better – that seems pretty lazy to me. Lazy in a good way.

How about you? How have you been good lazy?

Theory X vs Y

Today we solved a problem. Normally not much to write about, except today we solved it for the second time. That's red flags for me. What to do?

Fortunately I just finished Peter Drucker's book on People and Performance. He's written a zillion books on management and is oft cited, so going in I had high expectations.

Drucker constantly compares the history of the world as measured by the standard of living. Being a big fan on case studies, I ate it up. In the book, he discusses Theory X and Theory Y:

Theory X assumes that people are lazy, dislike and shun work, have to be driven, and need both carrot and stick. It assumes that most people are incapable of taking responsibility for themselves and have to be looked after. Theory Y assumes that people have a psychological need to work and that they desire achievement and responsibility and will find them under the right conditions.

Depending on one's assumptions, different action is required. If I assume Theory X to be valid, then a good coarse beating is in order. If Theory Y, then I recognize the problem is not with the person with whom I am angry. Eg. If only everyone knew everything in my head...well they don’t...and probably my head is filled with bunk anyway. Point is - if Y is valid - what to do?

Let us examine the root cause. The problem was not lack of documentation. After we solved it the first time, we wrote it down in the instructions. Clearly more writing or yelling at people to read the manual won't help.

The problem is that it's a complicated procedure with a hundred steps. If you mess up any of them, game over start again. We’re reading instructions off a web page. That’s dead documentation. The root cause is lack of living documentation. There's only so many things a human can do without messing up, and it's for sure less than a hundred. The ideal solution is self-documenting code - that is: automate it.

So now we ask: How likely is it to occur again? Very. What's the cost of failure? A few hours. What's the cost of our solution? A few hours. Hmm...seems like we're gonna fix this. The question now is when, and that's another topic.

So theory X vs Y - to which do you ascribe?